I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
