Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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