I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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