Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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