I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
pop tarts are not kleenex
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
