Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize