He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize