just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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