I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize