He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
