He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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