I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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