erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize