I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
