I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
