I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
