He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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