He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
