Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
