Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You were trust falling into bushes
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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