I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Two words: blizzard sex
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
