the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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