I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
