You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
should my penis look like a turkey
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
