dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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