I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
