But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
