is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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