well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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