Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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