i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Boobs speak an international language.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
