After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
