peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
