New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
These tits shall not be calmed
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
