Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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