I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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