Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
