Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
