You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize