Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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