just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
