Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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