but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
