I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
