well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
