My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
