you would pick up someone in the library
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
