Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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