when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
