In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
