my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
