i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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