I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I look better un-naked...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
