I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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