What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize