A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
