haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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