rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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