i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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