at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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