by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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