I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
tell me about the eggs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
