Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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