I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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