she kept yelling 'call me bella'
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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