I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
