and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
