So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
