I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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